The Internet Freaks
by LustForTheLetters
Summary: All we have to say is that the Brawl characters found a way to chat on the internet...wait, what? Let the chaos begin. Rated T for suggestive themes and language.
1. The Beginning of The Internet Freaks

**Super Smash Brothers Brawl Chatroom**

_**Chat #1 The Beginning...of The Internet Freaks.**_

Mario has logged on.  
Pit has logged on.

Mario has changed name from Mario to SexyInARedCap.

Pit: ...

SexyInARedCap: Oh, why hello there, Pit. Fancy weather we're having, huh? *thunder strike*

Pit: Um...yeah, sure...*makes it rain more than it was already*

SexyInARedCap: So? I didn't know you guys used the internet up there?

Pit: Uh, yeah we do...listen, Mario, I can't take your username seriously...I mean...come on. Look at it.

SexyInARedCap: *looks at it* Just the plain truth, my friend. Maybe if you were as sexy as I was you would understand.

Pit: *hears screaming fangirls from the Earth below* Right...if I had more fangirls...

SexyInARedCap: After all, women just prefer the older men compared to the...er, how old are you again?

Pit: -_-

SexyInARedCap: Uh, last that I checked, it was rude to ignore your elders, Pit. Now, be a good boy and answer the question.

Pit: WHY should I have to do anything for you?

SexyInARedCap: Because I am the amazing Mario, the Japanese phenomenon, the best of the best, the alpha and the omega, the...

Pit: *whispers to himself* And yet I actually believe I fought alongside him on the Subspace Emissary..

SexyInARedCap: ...you do know that if you put stuff like that I can still read it, right?

Pit: What?

SexyInARedCap: Oh my gosh, no wait, DON'T TELL ME. You've never been on a chatroom before!?

Pit: What? I have TOO been on a chatroom, and let me tell you something, tons of people invite me to their chatrooms all the time!

SexyInARedCap: Then tell me this, Pit: Why are you all the way up in the clouds when all your 'friends' are down here?

Pit: ...I have friends here too, you know.

SexyInARedCap: Pfft. Whatever. You wanna know something? When you get over a billion dollars used on video game SEQUELS alone, then you can come talk to me. Until then, keep your prissy little girly self where it is and don't even try to come up to my level.

Pit: You do know I live above you, right? So, in all honesty, if anybody was going to get on anybody's level...

SexyInARedCap: Whatever. At least I have the cooler username.

Pit: Hmm, right.

Link has logged in.

Link: Hey dudes.

Pit: Oh my gosh, finally some sane has come to rescue us all *bows before Link* THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

Link: I only came on here because I know Mario was on here. What's up, bro?

SexyInARedCap: Nothin' much, home skillet. Just telling Pit up for thinking he was cooler than me, is all. Even though I don't see him going to castles and rescuing hot blonde babes from the towers...Just sayin'.

Pit: WHAT?!

Link: Wait, wait, wait...what is up with your username, Mario? Are you really that desperate for numbers?

Pit: Pfft.

SexyInARedCap: You guys are just jealous because I have Korean babes name their children after me.

Pit: What? So do we, Mario, you're not the only one...and I thought that was Italians?

SexyInARedCap: For the last time, MARIO IS NOT ONLY AN ITALIAN NAME.

Link: But for your case, it is, so why are you complaining?

Pit: Link, you should know by now that Mario's specialty is to complain. Nothing else seems to make him happier.

SexyInARedCap: *feels sudden urge to jump into water...without powerups*.

Link: Mario, are you doing anything later on?

SexyInARedCap: Well, see, that depends. I mean, first you take the stupid girl's side and ruin the coolness of my username...no wait you never ruined it, just made it clear that nobody without a good sense of character should put their eyes on it. Next, you make me want to do suicide of all things. And now look. You want to know what I am going to do later?

Link: Just a question, bro. No need to go all psycho on me or anything.

SexyInARedCap: You know, Peach actually said the exact same thing to me last night...not the first part, though.

Pit: Way too much information there, Mario.

SexyInARedCap: Well, because of your question, I feel I m obligated now to reveal to you the plans I have later, the deeper darker side that nobody else has ever seen before, the unpredictable turn of events I must go through to save all of mankind as we know it. Well, here goes. *takes deep breath and is about to speak*.

Pit: You're going to save the princess again, aren't you?

SexyInARedCap: DAMMIT PIT THAT WAS MY LINE! *fumes*

Pit: I love it when you get knocked off your high horse :)

SexyInARedCap: Pit, you should know by now that I ride by Kart, not by horse. Have you never played any of my games?

Pit: ...What? No, when I said that I meant by...ugh, you know what? Never mind.

Link: So, you guys, there is something I should probably discuss with you guys. But you have to promise me not to tell, you know...her.

Pit: Of course, we promise! What is it?

SexyInARedCap: He probably got her pregnant and is not sure whether to sign the future baby up for adoption.

Pit: What?!

SexyInARedCap: Holy crap, sorry guys...I accidently sent that into here instead of Facebook messager...anyways, go ahead Link :D

Pit: ...

Link: Um, anyways...well, me and you-know-who have been hitting it off pretty hardcore for the past few...well, for a long time, but now I kind of want to take it to the next level. Thoughts?

Pit: Well, Link, I think it's really good of you to finally come to grips on how you feel about that!

SexyInARedCap: I'm just going to be honest here, I should probably tell you that Zelda is probably not that into you...I mean, think of it dude, for the previous past few games, you guys haven't even had a form of chemistry between each other, so what does she see in you? True, you save her all the time, but does that really cut it for love? For all we know, she could think of you as a pedophiliac in disguise as a tannish, hot lifeguard wanna-be.

Pit: Mario!

SexyInARedCap: No offense or anything, but I believe out of the two of us, me and Link that is, I would come out the best swimmer.

Link: ...

Link has disconnected.

Pit: Now look what you did.

SexyInARedCap: If you really think he didn't have it coming, then you must be stupid, Pit. I mean, hasn't Link been obsessing over Zelda for a long time?

Pit: ...let's just say that you said the exact same words to Link as what I thought about you and Peach.

SexyInARedCap: Oh, I understand. You just are too young to understand about romance, just save it for the big leagues, kid.

Pit: ...sure.


	2. Hormonal Problems and Gender Issues?

** Super Smash Brothers Brawl Chatroom**  
** Chat # 2 - Hormonal Issues and Gender Problems?**

**SexyInARedCap has logged on.**

**Pit has logged on.**

**Kirby has logged on.**

Pit: Hey guys, what's up?

SexyInARedCap: What do you think is up? ;)

Kirby: ...

Pit: Okay, well then Mario. Nice to know you think your computer is stimulating.

SexyInARedCap: Yeah, Peach was sitting here before I did, so some of her perfume got on there.

Pit: ANYWAYS, Kirby how are you? You weren't on earlier this morning...why?

Kirby: Meta Knight said he wanted to see me again, we were talking and...well, you know how it is with him.

Pit: Right, right. So how are you?

Kirby: I'm fine, thanks. Really hungry, though...been having some weird cramps lately.

SexyInARedCap: Wait a second, how can Kirby speak English? He's...well, he's Kirby.

Kirby: You do know I can understand English right? I am typing on an American keyboard..

SexyInARedCap: C'mon, we're all made by Japanese people here...why do we even bother speaking English?

Kirby: I don't know...wait a second, who are you again?

Pit: It's Mario -_- He changed his username because he felt the need to, I guess.

SexyInARedCap: Noooo, because I am the amazing man in the sexy red cap ;-D

Kirby: You do know you're not the only person wearing a red cap, right?

Pit: ...Yeah! You're not! Doesn't the Pokemon Trainer wear a similar cap?

SexyInARedCap: Um, his cap and my cap are two completely different things. He has this weird white U thing on it, while mine is completely original.

Pit: Right, because a red cap with an M is so original. They pretty much are the exact same thing, Mario.

SexyInARedCap: Then explain why I get more ass than he does!?

Kirby: Technically, in the anime, he gets like three different girls to be by him when he travels...and as far as I know, you only have Peach, so...

SexyInARedCap: WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME AND PLAY CALL OF DUTY LIKE THE LITTLE PRISSY TRANS WE BOTH KNOW YOU ARE.

Kirby: ...Trans?

Pit: Oh god, here we go again. Same thing with Pikachu...

SexyInARedCap: Only because of the freakin' fact that they're not really clear about their gender!

Kirby: Yes, I am...*blushes* Pikachu is just really weird the way he shows it.

SexyInARedCap: Well? Boy or Girl?

Kirby: I'm a boy!

SexyInARedCap: That's probably what you want us to believe. How about you give us some proof first?

Kirby: Um...

Pit: That might not be a good idea there .

Kirby: o.o

SexyInARedCap: I don't roll like that, that's my brother.

Kirby: Luigi's gay?

SexyInARedCap: Yeah, he came out of the closet around a week ago...he found out because Lucas was getting a little close.

Pit: So he's gay and he's a pedophile?

SexyInARedCap: That's exactly what I said!

Kirby: *sighs* Whatever. Anyways,what are you guys doing?

SexyInARedCap: Wondering what gender you are..?

Kirby: Besides that! .

Pit: Well, if I had to be honest, I am having trouble with..well, never mind, wouldn't want to burden you guys.

SexyInARedCap: ...? What the fuck, Pit? Just spill it! :(

Pit: I think I might be having trouble fitting into my clothes .

Kirby: You mean you're getting taller?

SexyInARedCap: No,Kirby. He means he is gaining weight. Well, no need to worry Pit, I have always believed it was around the time I should tell you that I honestly noticed.

Kirby: Mario! What the heck, man?

Pit: ...really? *pokes stomach* I guess it really is noticable...;(

Pit has disconnected.

Kirby: Now look what you did!

Mario: Please don't tell me you haven't noticed...I mean seriously, Pit must be depressed or something.

Kirby: He is probably more depressed now that you when out and said that!

Mario: *sighs* Okay, Kirby, listen. Out of all of us, I think the one that really needs to worry about eating disorders is...er, never mind.

Kirby: ? Okay, Mario...

Pikachu has logged on.

Link has logged on.

Mario: Wait, how come people came on here? I made this chatroom specifically for three people, only?

Link: PIkachu jacked the password lock on his computer, so we could get in.

PIkachu: :3

Mario: Oh yeah, so I guess Pikachu can just do anything with electronics because...wait, his?

Kirby: We had a little bit of a debate on the gender roles, buddy. Sorry.

Pikachu: :( What did you think I was?

Mario: A BOY :D Hahah, no need to worry about anything like that.

Link: ..? Anyways, where's Pit? He told me he was online.

Kirby: Why don't you ask MARIO that?

SexyInARedCap: I swear I did nothing!

Kirby: He made fun of Pit's weight, and then Pit logged off.

SexyInARedCap: I am pretty sure the point of that was to not answer for me, Kirby :l

Kirby: I know, haha.

Link: Well, whatever, I guess it doesn't matter. Mario always is an ass to everyone, anyway.

SexyInARedCap: EXACTLY WHAT DID I TELL YOU GUY...wait, what?

Pikachu: *screenshot*

Link: Don't pretend like you don't know, Mario. Everyone knows you think too highly of yourself. After all, that's how you acted earlier.

SexyInARedCap: Come on, man, I was only spitting out the cold hard truth. If you can't take the heat, get back in the freezer.

Pikachu: I thought it was if you cant take the heart, get out of the oven?

SexyInARedCap: Um no? That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. No wonder girls are so dumb.

Pikachu: -_- I'm a boy, Mario.

SexyInARedCap: What? Oh right, right, sure.

Kirby: *yawns* Well, I am out of here for the night. See you guys, later.

**Kirby has logged off.**

Link: Yeah, same here. I think I can hear Zelda calling from the room...;)

SexyInARedCap: You mean, the room in your wet dream?

Link: -_- yeah, sure, whatever.

**Link has logged off.**

Pikachu: ...

SexyInARedCap: If you can burn Ash's red cap, I will give you twenty bucks.

Pikachu: Deal.

**Reviews are appreciated :) If you guys like this, I will continue :)**


	3. eHarmony with Kirby

**Super Smash Brother Brawl Chatroom**

**Chat # 3 – eHarmony with Kirby**

**SexyInARedCap has logged on.**

**Pit has logged on.**

**Kirby has logged on. **

**Zelda has logged on.**

**Peach has logged on.**

Pit: Well, I was right when I said the ladies would start showing up!

Kirby: ...you never said they would show up, Pit. They just came on their own.

SexyInARedCap: All that matters is now, if I say a sexist joke, I could start up an entire conversation on the matter instead of just getting yelled at, as usual.

Peach: Mario, sweetie, what's that supposed to mean?

Zelda: I think he's just trying to say that if he makes a joke about females, he will automatically direct it towards you. Everybody knows I am the stronger female, after all.

Peach: ….um, excuse me?

Kirby: Oh boy, here we go again.

Pit: *brings out rifle in case of emergencies*.

Zelda: Don't pretend you guys don't know what I mean. After all, at least I save myself from time to time. Hell, I even have my own transformation. Take a look at the girl in pink over there. What does she do? She doesn't even fight!

Peach: I will have you know that I am selected from millions of children around the world on Mario Karts to race with. WITH a motorcycle! Do YOU have a motorcycle?

SexyInARedCap: Ladies, ladies, let's not bring the motorcycles into this...we all know who would beat in this one 'points to himself'.

Kirby: HAH! Right...aw, dammit!

Peach: What's the matter, Kirby? Is Zelda annoying you, too?

Zelda: -_-

Kirby: No, it's just that I messed up on my eHarmony account...

SexyInARedCap: Wait a second...you're doing eHarmony? Why?

Kirby: ...why do you think, Mario?

Peach: AWWWW HE'S SEARCHING FOR TRUE LOVE, LIKE THE ONE ME AND MARIO HAVE :-D 'snuggles with her love'.

SexyInARedCap: 'chokes' Can't breathe...holy crap...'starts losing consciousness'.

Pit: Why are you interested in dating, Kirby? I always thought you were a free man...er, woman *coughs*

Kirby: I am just so freaking tired of people assuming I am female, just because I am pink. I mean, seriously. It's not funny, anymore.

Peach: :( What's that supposed to mean? I wear pink all the time!

SexyInARedCap: Listen, baby, I think the fluffball is saying something else completely different to whatever you're bringing up. You should probably just leave well enough alone...like the condom that broke last night :D

Peach: Okay, sweetie-pie, you're right :-D I will be...wait, what did you say at the end?

SexyInARedCap: 'deletes message' Ohhhh nothing, sweetness :D ~

Zelda: Uh, anyway, Kirby. What are you trying to look for in a woman?

Pit: Obviously, good looks right?

SexyInARedCap: I heard that people usually get together that look a lot like them. So, if Kirby is an overweight eating addict, then he should probably deal with the women who are heavy on the looks instead of the brains. Seems more like his type, anyway.

Kirby: What? Why does the girl have to be overweight?

SexyInARedCap: What can I say? Even the hot chicks go for the guys they know they can't get without begging first 'points to himself once again.' Besides, it would be better for you two to be the same instead of different...you know how your jealousy spouts get, poor wittle babeh :3

Kirby: Dude, I am being clear serious...get rid of that effin' username. It is seriously starting to gross me out.

Peach: Kirby's right, dear. Go ahead ^.^

SexyInARedCap: Okay, I will change it, since you guys asked ;)

**SexyInARedCap has changed name to:** **SexyInOveralls**.

Peach: …..good enough for me ;)

Kirby: *facepalm*.

Zelda: KIRBY. You never answered my question about before!

Kirby: I guess just a good personality..?

SexyInOveralls: LOL! Oh my God...you're killing me!

Kirby: …?

SexyInOveralls: Nobody nowadays actually date for personality! That was like what...eighty years ago?

Peach: Wait a minute...WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

Pit: I think he means he's only dating you for you good looks, Peach :)

Zelda: At least Link has a heart of gold..hehe.

SexyInOveralls: N-no, Peach! That's not what I meant...er, guys?

Everybody else: That's what he meant.

**Peach has logged off.**

**SexyInOveralls has changed name to: Mario.**

Pit: About freaking time.

Mario: Now look what you guys did...Peach will totally leave, and now that she has left me...;( Wait a minute...what about Daisy?

Pit: 'sighs'.

Kirby: GUYS WHAT ABOUT MY EHARMONY PROBLEM.

Mario: You know, Kirby, I am sure that no matter what happens, nobody is going to pay you any attention on the website...I am just saying.

Zelda: You know, I have to say that at least Kirby's nice. Don't know what Peach was ever into when she was with you...

Pit: I think that she was masochistic...

Zelda: …?

Mario: LOL that's hilarious.

Kirby: Just tell me what to do?!

Mario: Mustache.

Kirby: …?

Mario: Women love a man with a good mustache ;) Just grow one, and wiggle your eyebrows. You will get her for sure.

Kirby: What if I can't grow a mustache?

Mario: Then just get a permanent marker and draw one! Not that hard you know?

Kirby: And you're sure this is going to work?

Mario: When have I ever been wrong?

Pit: *coughs*

Kirby: Okay...wish me luck!

**Kirby has logged off.**

Zelda: That is so not going to work...you do know that right?

Mario: Well? Peach was into that, so it probably will!

Pit: But then she left you...

Mario: ….:o Whatever. I don't see you getting any girls anytime soon.

Pit: I have billions of fangirls...don't even have to think about it lmfao.

Mario: . Whatever.


	4. Horoscopes and Pikachu's Master Plan?

Internet Freaks Chapter 4: Horoscopes and False Realities.

(A/N) ~ Hey guys! Sorry that this update took so long, I just haven't been in the parody-writing mood. Don't worry though, I will try my best to have more updates come out. Thanks for understanding - LustForTheLetters.

(Also, if there is a particular Brawl character you want in the chatroom, hit me up and I will see what I can do :)) Enjoy!

* * *

**SexyInOveralls has signed in.**  
**Kirby has signed in.**  
**Link has signed in.**

SexyInOveralls: Hey ladies ;D It's okay, we can start the party now that I have arrived...

Kirby: ...? What are you talking about? And wait a minute, didn't you change your name back in the last chat?

SexyInOveralls: A lot of things change, Kirby. Maybe you should understand this, after all your eHarmony experience messed up pretty bad.

Kirby: ...I don't wanna talk about it.

Link: What eHarmony experience?

SexyInOveralls: LET'S just say that Kirby took his date to where they were heading to go - all dressed up, looking smooth and sexy like -...only to realize he was, in fact, bringing a transgender turtle.

Link: ...*tries not to laugh*.

Kirby: MARIO. DAMMIT I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL HIM.

SexyInOveralls: You just said you didn't want to talk about it...so I did for you.

KIrby: I freaking hate you.

Link: That was a shame, Kirby, dumping her...er, him, whatever...just because of that. After all, you could have gotten the best of both worlds ;)

SexyInOveralls: Two birds with one stone.

Link: You could have gotten a rock AND some scissors...;D

SexyInOveralls:...um, no, Link.

Link: Oh. *feels rejected*.

Kirby: Well, ANYWAYS, so yeah I am done with internet dating. I have learned my mistake.

SexyInOveralls: Kirby...you ARE a mistake.

Link: Ohhhh, burn! *raises his hands*.

Kirby: ;(((( YOU GUYS ARE RUDE, MEAN, AND...AND...

**Pikachu has logged on.**

Kirby: PIKACHU THANK GOD.

Pikachu: ...?

Link: HEY YOU GUYS there is something I have got to say! Are you interested in-?

SexyInOveralls: WHATEVER IT IS, HELL TO THE NO.

Link: ...I was going to say horoscopes, but...

Kirby: Oh! I'm a Capricorn :3

Link: Would you be interested in hearing your horoscope for the day?

SexyInOveralls: Oh my gosh, please don't tell me you guys are actually interested in that shit. All it does is tell you where the stars align, and what your day will be because of that. It's the same freaking thing as fortune cookies.

Kirby: Nobody asked for your opinion, Mario.

Pikachu: Pika!

SexyInOveralls: Nobody speaks Spanish here, Pikachu.

Kirby: He said, he wanted to know his as well. He said he was a Leo.

Link: Okay, so let me look up...Capricorn and Leo...

Kirby: What are you?

Link: I would have to be a Scorpio.

SexyInOveralls: THIS IS SO FREAKING RETARDED. YOU GUYS WILL BURN IN HELL FOR BELIEVING THIS WITCHCRAFT.

Link: ...just ignore him. He's probably a Pisces or some shit.

Kirby: READ IT READ IT READ IT NOW *says in demonic voice*

Link: Okay, here's your horoscope. "Today may be one of those days when you feel all dressed up with nowhere to go. Don't worry about the details, Capricorn. Follow your heart to a fantasyland and join the outlandish and bizarre. The answer you seek is around the corner. You may sense that it's close but yet far."

SexyInOveralls: ...fantasyland? Kirby, is there something you need to tell us? Something that could explain why you had trouble with eHarmony? ;)

Kirby: ...what the fuck are you talking about?

Link: Don't listen to him - he's obviously on crack or something.

SexyInOveralls: GUYS I THINK THAT KIRBY MIGHT BE ON THE 'OTHER' SIDE OF THE TRACKS. It even says: join the outlandish and bizarre!

Kirby: I'm pretty sure it means go on an adventure...Mario, I'm not gay!

Pikachu: Chu :{

Link: Oh yeah, okay Pikachu. Here's your horoscope: "Things may be coming to a dramatic climax for you, Leo. It may seem like everything is working against you. Take note that this is an excellent time to find balance and gain a much greater perspective on the issues in your life. If you're trying to figure out where your heart and brain are hiding, you should look on the opposite side of the world."

SexyInOveralls: ..."it may seem as though everything is working against you." You just can't win, can you Pikachu?

Pikachu: PIKA, CHU PIKACHU!

Kirby: He just said he hopes Mario gets eaten by the same turtles he kicks. And that he hates him.

SexyInOveralls: After all the things I do for him, too.

Kirby: Like what?

SexyInOveralls: Lets just say that he and I go way back, back to when Italian men and electric rodent were the best of friends...

Pikachu: ...chu?

Kirby: Just shut up, Mario. Nobody wants to listen to you anymore.

SexyInOveralls: *whispers* Apparently your mom does...

Pikachu: Pika! :3

Kirby: He said he wanted to hear Link's. And Mario's.

SexyInOveralls: Um ACTUALLY Good luck knowing that because my lips are sealed, so I am not going to reveal ANYTHING.

Link: ...isn't Mario's birthday in the late March area...? So he's an Aries, right?

SexyInOveralls: WHAT? NO.

Kirby: Look it up, Link!

SexyInOveralls: I SWEAR TO THE FIERY PITS OF HELL IF YOU POST ANYTHING ABOUT MY HOROSCOPE I WILL GO MEGA MARIO ON ALL Y'ALL'S ASSES.

Link: "Go to an art museum, Aries. Your mind and heart are working in conjunction with each other, and you're apt to be especially receptive to elements of our world that fuse these two together. Make an evening out of the event, and be sure to take a good friend or romantic partner. Have a good meal, and don't forget dessert. Appreciate the world for all its natural wonder."

SexyInOveralls: What the hell...is this?

Kirby: IT'S YOUR HOROSCOPE, DUH :D Pffft. Appreciate the world for all its natural wonder?

SexyInOveralls: I mean, come on, does this site really think I don't do that already?

Link: *yawns* Whatever. Well, I'm probably going off to bed soon.

SexyInOveralls: What? You just got here, though!

Link: Yeah, yeah...I just don't wanna hang out with you losers anymore.

**Links logs out.**

Kirby: Anyways, I probably should go too. My show is on.

SexyInOveralls: What is that? Desperate Housewives?

Kirby: ...

**Kirby logs out.**

SexyInOveralls: That is the funniest shit ever! OH MY GOSH. Anyways, I know that since Pikachu speaks Greek or Spanish or whatever, I will leave him. Bye, loser ~.

**SexyInOveralls logs out.**

Pikachu: *looks left to right to make sure he is alone* . . MUAHAHAHAHAHHA PIKA! CHU PIK, PIKACHU CHU CHU! :)


End file.
